resignation

Something New.
A lush, beautifully-filmed movie about wrong expectations.
It was as if I was watching my own life in her character.

There’s an immense difference between saying you wish you would meet someone and actually desiring to be married. Up until this point, I guess meeting someone was as far as it went. But recently, only recently, the reality of married life seems divine. And I’m so excited that I’m not approaching it as a naïve early twentysomething.

I think I know exactly what I want in a man. But I’m resigning myself, legitimately, to the fact that I have no earthly idea. In all honesty, because I like control, a certain image, and no surprises, I have been completely distrustful about who God has for me. I’ve more often than not thought that He has no idea what kind of person would compliment me. As if He’s too old-fashioned and too out dated to know. I repent.

I surrender again (for the trillionth time) my doubt, suspicion, underestimation and, most of all, my fear. I’m giving in.